The importance of being Self-Interested

SELF-INTEREST

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:  a concern for one's own advantage and well-being

 

I have for years worked like a dog to help others achieve their dreams and goals.  This is a lonely and selfless path and while many would say it is the "right" way to be I am going to call BullShit!  I have given and given and given of myself and finally realized in the last few months, that I was giving in the wrong direction.  I gave to musicians, parents, kids, artists, business partners, fans, producers, labels, promoters, venues, etc... and at the end of the day I was left standing on my own with everyone else happy and no recognition for what I had created, funded or developed.  And people only notice when things are going badly.  Depression over took me I attached myself to the wrong people, I flitted from opportunity to opportunity only to find that the opportunity was all inside of me. 

 

How often do we attach ourselves to those we feel have the answers?  I have done it a dozen times in my life only to find that my heart knows the truth and when I don't listen to it I get myself into trouble.  BIG Trouble!  Two weeks ago I went to the Doctor with heart palpitations and the symptoms that keep emerging are pointing to my Nervous System.   I have given so much externally that I have neglected my internal environment.  I don't just listen to music for enjoyment anymore, it is always an analysis of the verse the chorus and the bridge.   I don't find time to nourish my body and thus eat very little, while working out not at all and sit in front of a monitor most of my days for 14 hours.  This sedentary life style is normal for most of us in the Music Industry, or America, that actually work.  Is it, however, what we got involved in this industry for? 

 

Of course not.  I chose music because I am a vocalist.  I love to sing, I am good at it.  So why did I get so far from my path?  Because somewhere along the way someone told me I wasn't good enough, I was too fat or not pretty enough and I believed them.   I now realize that they were self-interested and saw no direct benefit to them.  As young women we often fall into these patterns, giving up on us to focus on others.  It happens at some point in our teens and grows to a deafening roar by the time our children are in their teens.  Giving to spouses and children and clients more than we give to ourselves.  Evaluating my life over the last two weeks I realize that I am not living my purpose, I am not listening to my instincts and I am overloading my nervous system.  The issues could potentially be Heart Failure, MS, or Hypo-Tension but I am on a heart monitor for another 23 days to determine diagnosis.  So how do I change these symptoms...

 

Well the first change is direction.  The focus out rather than the focus in is killing me, literally.

• Always keep moving but shift my direction constantly. 
• Reduce stress which means eliminate those that create it. 
• Focus on myself, my talents and skills.  Including singing.  

Finally there is exercise because healthy nerves need healthy muscles to be truly effective including the heart.  I downloaded an app called Argus by Azumio in the Apple Store.  It tracks my sleep, my heart rate, my steps, my food, my exercise/calories, my water intake and my caffeine intake.  It allows me to take the few minutes I need to continuously evaluate my activity level and reminds me to drink and eat.  They encourage a lifestyle where you eat 5-6 meals a day, walk 10,000 steps or burn 4000 calories a day.  It also allows you to track meditation.  I love it and the social media aspects of leading a healthy lifestyle with others who have the same goals. 

 

Join me on this journey of self interest and friend me on Argus!  We can all be the best versions of ourselves regardless of what our external environment tells us.  You will all get a first hand account of my journey through the industry as I step from behind the curtain and out into the lime light!  I am letting the business portions go for good with the exception of paid contract work and my families internal musical pursuits.  Life is too short to get backlash from the ungrateful and I thank you all for the support you have shown me over the years.